Buddha Heruka – Tantra

I have been on a Tantra path for a number of years now. I have in the past experienced Buddhism ( I volunteered for a Buddhist Lady at a retreat in Northern Ireland for one thing ). I had observed that, that tradition included Tantra, in quite a different way to other traditions.

As we know there is a popular, general misconception of Tantra being about SEX. Although the flip side is that I have observed a couple of instances of SLEAZE whilst out and about in the Tantra community. This – to me does not do the rep of Tantra any good at all. I am tbh equally naffed off and bored with what appears to be an obsession with sex in society. This to me is the great imbalance. I can go off tangent here but will leave that there for now.

I have always banged on about ” looking for purity”.

I have kinda shunned Buddhism for a number of years now, for a few reasons. I think I have a “past life”/Karmic ” bit of a beef” with Buddhism for some reason teeeheeee. I know I was a Tibetan monk at some point in history. But Buddhism is yet another religion that is sexist, within its general culture i.e inequality in its attitudes towards women.

So I went along to the Sunday session of Tantra teaching and meditation at the Huddersfield Buddhist Centre as I thought that this would be a different perspective. There was also a session on the Saturday but I missed that one.

So – the teacher –  a Buddhist monk – who is a woman – has the most beautiful, soft voice and manner. The teachings have lots of strange and complicated words, verses and concepts but there is also lots of periods of silence and as I just ( in the main) let go, open up and allow the energy to flow into my crown and down into my heart – I do feel my heart softening, opening more and vibrating xxxxx  It leaves me feeling peaceful – I coulda cried with love xxx

I then had a delicious, high vibe lunch there and on my merry way to work – this was a well timed pit stop between two jobs !!!      SO !!!!!!!! the next day ( now) – I look for the image of Buddha Heruka – to find this one above – so there is ( what looks like anyway – maybe i am wrong ) a yab yum going on ( the position) SEX which I did not expect – it is probably that this was explained on the Sat session as the teacher did not mention it on the Sunday session. However to me it looks quite aggressive – I have seen many other depictions from other traditions which are more loving than this one – altho the woman is usually shown to be small – in the ancient images !!!!

HMMMMMM – that’s ALL I can say for now !!!

But the blurb for a “Tantra empowerment” at a coming festival is – “Attaining PURITY, when we completely purify our mind through tantric practise, our world, ourself, our enjoyments and our activities also become completely PURE – THIS IS the state of enlightenment” – this is the practises of Heruka Body mandala and Vajrayogini !!!!

CONFUSED.COM!!!!!

I am gonna check out the festival – where you can get the “highest Yoga Tantra empowerments” !!  – http://www.kadampafestivals.org/summer   xxxx

some peeps say you should stick to one system – should should shoulda !!! I am exploring and finding my way into my own system xxx – its all good !!! Life is an adventure and I am Lyndiana Jones – xxxx ha ha

 

 

 

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Heya

I am back on here after nearly a year !!    – as I said on a recent post I am going to an ashram in Tamil Nadu, India in October with Satguru Sri Romana Devi !!

I have been drawn to studying and practising Sanskrit and the Vedas. Sanskrit is THE oldest language on the planet and it is a vibrational language i.e it has energy within the correct pronunciation of its letters and words. The Vedas ( ancient scriptures)  pre date religion and  ( according to my sources)  Hinduism did develop ( at least partially I believe) from the Vedas but you do not have to be a Hindu to practise these sonic formulae. They are believed to come from gods/goddesses called DEVAS or “shining ones” who maintained the world in a state of balance and wellbeing known as rta, which conjures up the word RYTHMN ( adapted from ” The Yoga of Sound” Russill Paul).

My experience of religion and their teachings is that they ALL fall at the first hurdle i.e that they are sexist with regard how they refer to women ( I don’t give a monkey’s about the time they were written in – the teachings are supposed to come  from God/dess and are wrong if they are sexist !!)  the Bhagavad Gita is VERY sexist – so it is a bit of a challenge to take it seriously ?. The only faith I have found that has credibility in that respect is the Gnostics ( I will get back to that at some point but if you are not aware of them – google it ) and also bearing in mind I was a Cathar in a past life ( see previous blog).

Anyways up !! – I am studying the Upanishads – in this case it is ” The Science of Self Realisation” by Satguru Sri Romana Devi and it is the Svetasvatara Upanishad.     I have met Romana several times and have 100% respect and love for her, I am open to all her teachings and divine energy and I am very grateful for being welcomed at her ashram.

I have experienced the usual turbulent rollercoaster of ego emotional shite recently – I will not go into full boring detail but for example I wrote in my notebook ” I felt almost euphoric and while I felt good I remembered that in the past when I felt like that, I then felt frightened as usually I had then “crashed” , but I now thought ” not this time”. Then 2 hours later, “something” happened and I  felt hurt, rejected, unwanted, not valued, upset and was crying !!! and I know its just like instant duality and more stuff coming back up again – to test me – have I learned this lesson and let go of that energy ?? but its just so hard ( poor me tee hee)   – and I am at work on my own crying !!.  I “manage my state” ( pull myself together) and I have a quick look at the next Upanishads verse ( 6 ) and then watch ” The Graham Norton Show” – I need to lighten up !”

So each verse has three perspectives from Jnana, Bhakti and Karma Yoga, questions for self inquiry and a suggested practise for development.  Verse 6 – the Jnani Yoga interpretation – ” After you have pushed past your desires and sensory experiences and connected with your True Nature, you will feel an absolute pain in your heart, like no other. An ache, a yearning, a sense of being pulled away from your ego towards something unknown, and yet familiar” .

Each time I read the verses I am feeling something and there is usually a synchronicity, the teachings matching my evolving ( hopefully) state.   So applying the teaching to the previous “incident” – its a mixture for me of “letting go” into the moment, not being attached, not wallowing but not suppressing, breathing and recognising what is going on ( altho that happens more in retrospect), not feeling self pity ( well maybe just a bit ha ha – more self soothing and care ) – seeing the “bigger picture”, recognising my “role” and letting go to God/dess – knowing I am loved – TRUST !!!!!.

Verse 13 – Jnani Yoga – ” A fear infiltrates your blissful self. It weaves through all your hard work, and relentlessly attempts to destroy your belief in who you are, and what you have become. Your mind chatters endlessly, hour upon hour, minute upon minute. Restless and agitated. It drives you towards the fear, and the voice inside your mind which speaks of nothing real. The transient voices of self hatred, disbelief and uncertainty. Can I become self realised ?, do I have what it takes ?, will I succeed ?How is it possible when I think this, feel that, do the unthinkable acts?”        BLUDDY ELLS BELLS – do they know me ? spot on for me !!   and then     ” as you wane, you give in, you surrender to its impermanence. And then, as if from nowhere another voice speaks to you. A soft, gentle, loving voice beckons you away from the darkness of this egoic trip and requests that you believe, that you trust, that you continue on your path. That you recommit to your spiritual practises, that you push yourself even harder onwards and upwards towards God/dess”        SO I DO !!!!! – I read this and I realise that what I am feeling and experiencing  is normal and just part of the process of self realisation – so I feel better – it is a bit of a life saver to be honest !!! – ( am just saying that to be dramatic !!) but I do feel so grateful and uplifted by it !!!               – it gives me the strength to carry on regardless ( is that a Beautiful South song?) xxxx

Blessings

Priestesss Moryanna ( that’s me Lynda)

 

Akashic records

I am writing down my feelings, so the first word is LONELINESS. I have spent a lot of time alone. Everything IS as it should be right now.
Breathe – Eckhart Tolle says if you are present then loneliness becomes solitude, which seemingly is supposed to be good ha ha !!
Breathe deeper – now i feel the pain deep down in my gut, the energy is in motion – sweeping through my body – so i allow it to flow to my heart.
I am watching an upbeat programme called ” Never too late” and Terry Bradshaw talks about ringing his wife – he is 67yrs old – and i am reminded again – as the world and his wife ( ha ha ) have a relationship – of my pain and sadness – i have never been married, i have only ever lived with one guy for around a year, i have had THE crappiest relationship history of anyone i have ever met.
I could go on but it is my mission to let go, breathe and feel ACCEPTANCE.

I have had an AKASHIC RECORD reading from the delectable Krystyna K and i wish to clear these vibrations. Two very harsh experiences recently have shocked me into waking up into the moment ( or that is the purpose of the experiences according to the record keepers).
So it is Saturday evening and i am in on my own, so i am having a gin and tonic.
Shall i tell you about one of the experiences or just the effect ? well with the last experience, that night i went to bed and i did not want to wake up. Also do you know the feeling when you do wake up and then when your mind shifts into focus and you then remember something – the thing that has happened – and you want to stay curled up in bed – hurting, not wanting to get up and out and into the day – but life goes on – until it does’nt ha ha.
What do you do when you are being told you are POWERFUL but you felt previously like a pathetic, frightened, confused wimp floundering around in turmoil in a frozen and flubbering state ??
This is my opportunity to release everything that has been weighing me down. It is up to me to focus my power ” When i TAME my mind, i create a WONDERFUL life for myself”. I will take my mind into my heart 2/3 times a day and every time i feel shaken. I will not judge, i accept everybody as they are. I accept God/desses creation. I consistently pray with LOVE.
I AM NOW CONSCIOUS OF MY POWER AND STRENGTH and channel it to serve my life purpose !!!!!
SO what is that you may ask ? – feck knows !, i ponder with purring puddy snuggling up to me ( who is the only company i have had all day).
I am reading “American Gods”, it feels good to be reading fiction and losing myself in fantasy.
So then i notice summat i wrote in this notebook previously after a drink : “So when you have been drinkin Gin – DO NOT get tempted to go on fb to proove you have a valid existence – and come out with summat profound!!” LOL teeeeeeeeheeeeeeexxx
I then ponder ( back to now – altho i am writing this up Tuesday am – pleeese try and keep up teee hee) that Acceptance is kool when you drink Gin and have herbal essence and watcha good movie.
So then i look forward to seeing a therapist as she is gonna facilitate my healing and release my emotions – which are pretty hardcore ha ha. My intention here was to detox mentally and emotionally as preparation for XXXXXXX see below xxxxxxx but i was let down and dive down again with the rollercoaster of life, looking out of my lounge window – and watch trains going over the bridge above me, staring into the abyss yet again and shiver – but then life kicks in again when lovely son and his girlfriend make a bustling return from adventures in nature and i can smell the energy of love and life of the elemental king/Queendom – and am excited about my next adventure – a YOGA ( in the fullest meaning of the word) retreat in Corfu with the Magickal Avril Mckenzie YAY SO watch this space for the next thrilling instalment – maybe i will meet a lovely greek man and do a Shirley Valentine teeee heeeee xxxxxxxx

Opening to Love

I am exploring energetically – to releasing blocks and bringing light into my shadow with a view to being with the most perfect partner for me.
So I ” explored” Tantra with Shakti Malan a number of years back and including facilitator training. I then facilitated some of this in my own Goddess groups for a while.
I have just been drawn back to her workbook and done the exercise “owning your own projections”. Basicly you get a sheet of paper and think of the significant men in your life – ANY – mine including my father who passed away 34years ago, my son, brother in law ( only because of a recent upset) and a past relationship xxxxx you then think of their positive and negative qualities – after I had done this I then left the exercise for some time as I found it difficult to face the next part.
Anyway last night on the full moon – I continued with the exercise – I contemplated each trait and asking myself if/where and how I have this same trait – negative and positive and THEN YOU THINK of the opposite polarity and ponder whether you have this also within yourself. For example one of mine was abandonment – so the opposite to this I felt must be commitment. I felt abandonment within my last relationship with a ( ?) and also within the relationship with my father. I also felt that maybe I sometimes was ” abandoning” by not being present or committed to the present moment and the person in front of me ( maybe due to being lost in my head and closed off due to trauma/fear and not loving myself ).
Other polarities were – MAGICKAL ( POSITIVE) and MUGGLE ( NEGATIVE).CRUEL AND KIND, DISRESPECTFUL AND RESPECTFUL.
I did go off on a tangent in a convoluted mental argument when I pondered bullying and scapegoating – as I thought of a woman that is no longer in my life. However I then thought that women have masculine and feminine sides – at this point I applied my affirmation from ” The Course in Miracles” i.e ” I can escape from the world I see by giving up attack thoughts about ……..”
But energetically the most sacred part from Shakti’s workbook is offering the polarities up as prayer i.e ” SPIRIT I SEE AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ALL THE QUALITIES THAT I HAVE SEEN IN ( OFFER UP THE PERSONS NAME) BY NOT OWNING THEM AS MY OWN. I NOW TAKE BACK MY PROJECTIONS.I ALSO SEE THE POLARITIES OF THESE QUALITIES. I OFFER UP MY PROJECTIONS AND THEIR POLARITIES AND ASK THAT THEY BE MERGED INSIDE ME, INTO A PLACE OF ONENESS, SO THAT I MAY SEE MORE CLEARLY AND FIND MY WAY HOME MORE EASILY. I ASK THIS IN GRATITUDE, KNOWING THAT IT ALREADY IS SO” I find this so simple and powerful – can you imagine ? – I am doing this for a relationship with a man but could apply it to all/any relationships and including with the world – if we all did this – and we could dance it and do it via other creative means – then surely we would save the world and ascend into UNITY XXXX????

Singing to the Sun

Heya Its been a while ! xxx but the sun is shining and its time to express myself again – so whats been cooking ?? ha ha – am I any nearer enlightenment ? ha ha xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I have recently attended an Astroshamanism weekend workshop! – lots of dancing and theatre for manifestation.
One of the things that Franco said was that “back in the day” ancient tribal communities would honestly express their feelings to each other – and that this was seen as service and benefitted the health of the whole tribe. This really struck me, as this is what I am aspiring to DO with writing my blogs, as well as it being therapeutic for myself.
I STILL FIND THIS difficult to do verbally with nearly everyone in my life. I am sure there are lots of peeps who manage this harmoniously but also plenty who struggle too.
Also back in history there were especially elected peeps who were designated “Scapegoats” – sometimes being put in the bottom of a well – and others would go to them and …? well I don’t know as I was not there but I do know that I have held the scapegoat energy in this lifetime, in general and especially within my family.
So therefore peeps like myself who express themselves publicly are helping the collective consciousness of the human race – every drop in the ocean counts. I am matter and I DO matter !.
Often I have felt like I do not matter and have felt ignored – and have indeed attracted actually being ignored.
I have also attracted people saying offensive things to me, insulting the way I look ( i.e being fat and wrinkly )and ridiculing me as I don’t have a partner.
In the week after the workshop I experienced a lot of confusion and was again insulted – THIS felt more extreme to me -I literally I did not know how to respond because no matter how I respond ( as I have tried different ways) I cannot win and I am the one that is in the wrong, it just seemed that that is my designated duty and if I complain I am wrong – well FUCK THAT ha ha.
I do practise Ishayas ascension BUT in the face of these extreme negative feelings felt that I am not allowed to be negative and I should just ascend/meditate and then I WILL be transformed so will not attract negativity ( or what I perceived as negative but I would think most peeps would not have been happy about being treated the way I was).
But I STILL NEED TO BE ASSERTIVE – I find this so difficult.
Anyway I then found this in ” Astroshamanism bk 2″ Franco Santoro. “Aries constitutes the purest expression of ego…..easiest to identify and heal – giving away the energy – sacrifice so the world may reach its highest goal. At other times it means embracing the ego’s desires and overtly manifesting them, so I may reach my “selfish” goal – together with the highest goal. Aries, like the lamb of God, is a being that resurrects from death and therefore cannot fear it…is the feature of Easter” So I am an Aries, we are in ARIES and Easter is coming soon.
I was wondering whether my experiences were the death throes of ego – and I wished that to be so as to be honest I felt like I could not live like this anymore – I was desperate and bought “Cherry Plum” Bach Flower – for overwhelm and crisis. However what this is saying ( Franco) is that in this context ego is positive !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!- so today IS THE day ( not that the teddy bears have their picnic altho they probably are hey hey).

1/ I have also been attracting more higher vibrational peeps into my life just recently and there are exciting magickal things to look forward to.
2/ I had a fabulous and powerful therapy healing on my back – Chinese massage and acupuncture for releasing stuck chi – lifeforce.
3/ Today I have started a green smoothy diet – altho I must remember to not put broccoli in again – yak
4/ I have now a “rebounder” so have started bouncing my way to health hey hey.

My first intention that I worked with on the astroshamanism weekend was for my love life i.e a partner – ultimately marriage. Today I did the practise i.e dancing the intent/goal, then dancing the grievances i.e energy that holds you back – fear, lack of confidence etc – to which I added the experiences of the people who criticized me – using this as “compost” to grow my intent. I then relaxed into opening to source and I played my Alchemy crystal singing bowls – I did cry and release at this point – I am opening up to my “edges”. I feel that being in a relationship will be part of why I am here and what I am here to do in terms of service. I am an Antarian ( recently discovered and learning about it – its nowt special as we are all from one of the planets) and have a ” mission”.
I also ascended today as this is still a crucial part of my daily spiritual practise.

I did say in a blog a while ago that I would write out my relationship history as a cathartic exercise – however I may just summarise it soon and then I will dance it all out and have a fire ritual to release it all ! YAY hey hey. I have started making an effort in terms of my love life. I had one date with a guy and just chatted to another on the phone yesterday – neither the ONE but its good practise hey hey.

Back to the aforementioned “scapegoat” issue.
I hereby declare with all my heart and soul that I dissolve all and any contracts of myself as a scapegoat. If anybody projects anything onto me then it will bounce off and away from me. Equally I do not wish to project any of my stuff onto others.
So now all that is left of me to do is bid you farewell and Au Revoir for now and as it is still sunny I am now going to my Faerie glen as I am craving the elemental energies. I need to collect some pieces of wood for my shamanic circle. hen tonight I am doing a fitness class. In two weeks from now I aim to be considerably slimmer. I can DO IT Duffy Moon YAY HEY HEY. I LOVE MYSELF AND MY lifexxxxxxx

A mini adventure, sacred inner union and mind catacalysm

So landing in Horton in Ribblesdale’s Women’s Holiday Centre YAY
I looked around Settle first, a friend said I would like it – I didn’t like I – I LOVED it – tee hee.
“The Naked Old Man’s” café, a fabulous health shop and the enigmatic rock at the back of the village overlooking everything. So I remember a guy saying that there was summat magickal about this rock – a portal – to where?. The mystical building housing the museum.
I was looking for the WHC and drove into a large driveway -established that this was not the place – swung my car around without looking – and the next second was sliding sideways down a slope – eeeek – I had not clocked it was there – I was all shook up ( and Elvis was not in the building). Later when I trotted off for a walk – I looked in the driveway to see there was a narrow, deep trough at the bottom of the slope, which my car could have got stuck in – eeek – the owners will know of this occurrence due to tyre track marks grooving in a swerve down the slope tee heeeee.
Well the centre is kool – in fact it is very cold ( it is 22nd Nov.). I mean it is rambling, old, original not pseudo shabby chic – welcoming, warm in spirit, friendly peaceful happy vibes
and a FAT CAT
I went to bed at 5pm and started an uncomfortable ” we destroyed the world – ET saves us on their conditions” novel and my phone does not work – which is not what I want but what I need.
So to catch up with myself before I climb up Peny Ghent.
Well – hmmmmmm – I am just gonna get anotha cuppa – that’s betta
So I did my ” sacred inner marriage” ceremony couple of weeks previous – with a young Lady – who I had only met once – who is just starting out as a photographer and film maker.
I had wondered beforehand whether I might feel awkward – as it is very persona – but I tested the vibes – also she may have found it freaky – but yes it felt ok, more than ok – nice, more than nice – lovely, more than lovely – my heart opened and glowed at the peak of the experience – moments – hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I gave myself my ring – which I had designed – I had envisaged gold and silver threads – loosely entwined – I went to a jewelry makers in the Hudd – and decided upon silver and copper and then saw a YIN/Yang symbol which of course is the perfect Unity symbol, so decided to incorporate that – so it fitted ok – only lightly loose – but at that point( of buying) I wanted it prior to my trip to Wales for the Wild Women retreat – as I was originally having my ceremony there.
The powerful Unity and Love I felt flowed into the ring – and I put it to my lips and my heart.
For the next week I loved that ring, wore it, looked at it, showed it off. It seemed to be a lot looser – so I don’t know if I suddenly lost fat off my fingers – I should have know better – should have put it away until I got it fixed. I went out with a friend, showed it her and she told me to pout it away in my bag, so I did.
BUT on this day – ( the day I am now talking about – keep up – ha ha )- I was scheduled to have a healing session. I meditated for approx. two hours and I did not protect myself first ( for example with prayers) and when I was done – I felt horrendous – poison arrows of negative thoughts about myself raining down on me. In retrospect it felt like an attack. I have had this experience before, whether this is an external force or internal or both. All my worst thoughts, beliefs, feelings, emotions flying at me like nuclear missiles.
I kept moving instead of it battering me into cancelling the session i put the ring on as I wanted to show it to a friend at yoga ( which was supposed to be before the healing session)and the healer Lady. I washed my face and put my ring on the soap dish and that is the last I saw of it. Half an hour later I realized it was gone, searched frantically for it – to say I was beyond despair – well anyway I went to the healing session. The traffic was horrendous, a car narrowly swerved me, the healer got lost and i had to go rescue her.
The session was painful to begin with ( as in difficult)- so much resistance to probing questions – anyway – breathing, opening, receiving Platinum light – dissolving – letting go, releasing with love – space – freedom – LIGHT XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
a CHIP on your shoulder ?? what about a chip in your head ?? or a plate ? – transmuted – energy control – sent back to its source – an Alien face – Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehn, Adios !!!!!!!
I had a session many moons back with a being called Chung Fu, channeled by a woman called Sally Pullinger, who said i had an ET connection.
It had crossed my mind previously re a chip implant, at least partially due to sensations in my head. I had thought also this may have been neuralgia. Also I had been severely whacked around my head by my Dad when i was young, which I figured could have long lasting consequences.
A Priestess had talked about how awful it was i.e putting chips in peeper’s heads ( I think she was talking about in the days of Atlantis). Another Priestess talking about ET mind control
Current Priestess talking about me – possibly being here for a special mission.
SO – here’s THE thing!!! – you may have noticed there are a lot of Priestesses knocking around in my life tee heee OF COURSE – WE ALL ARE – Priestessing and Priesting our lives and humanity and we are all here for a MISSSION – from planting flowers that love Bees to …….. and its special and its all possible and collectively will save the planet and the human family and what makes it move from POSSIBLE to Probable to REALITY/ACTION is when we weave our threads of energy together – singing our songs with our soul essence breathing, looking each other in the eye, touching, dancing – could it be MAGICK ?? its what we are here for xxxx

Anyway after the session I have felt easier, gently being aware of myself,. I have not morphed into an Angel – but I felt lighter and I have still felt ??? maybe not felt – but still had some usual fear thoughts – around work and money etc.
I still have not found the ring – it may have gone down the toilet – what a horrific symbolism – anyway that love is still in my heart and I anchor the feeling ( I could do NLP ANCHORING). I CLEANSE and protect every day with prayers and smudge with sage and get out into nature.
I am moving through grieving re my life experience with regards to a “significant other” and yes don’t bother throwing it all at me – ” you have got to love yourself first” blah blah – I do love myself and i have just done an inner marriage ceremony.
Kaypacha just said currently there is an energetic astrological focus on this. Also he says – and I knew anyway – we attract the person who has what we need to grow hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Anyway – enough already – the SUN is shining, the birds are tweeting and Peny Ghent is calling to me – maybe I will find ” love on a mountain top”. This is one of three – known as ” The Three Peaks” in this area. Its not a big in but it looks steep…………… ta ta for now – will be setting off soon – clutching my Orgonite……………………………………

Showing my SOUL to the God/dess

Well here we go – eeeeeek – “KALI KALI KALI – destroyer of evil – wielding your knives – awesome and ferocious !!!!!!” –
So the title comes from Kaypacha – who says this is the energy of where we are at right now and what we should be/could be doing – and IS what I aspire to – xxxxxxx
So I have a lot to catch up with myself with – BUT everything is filtered through the NOW – and really that IS all that exists – right now I feel good, have just done a short meditation and am now sat in my lounge with the hooogly vibe ( that Danish snuggly ting) – with candles and lamp and rock salt lamp. Big Bang on telly with son sat watching it xxxxxxxxx
But I feel I have been/Lived through a colossal amount of serious energy – which I know is not wise to label as negative but Jesus wept !!! ( and its no wonder) – but I guess I manifested it all – for a reason !!! God only knows what HA HA

Anyways I recently went on a Wild women retreat in Wales – WOW – Women could ” blow the roof off the world” if we set our minds and hearts to it ha ha. It is difficult to express as I am still processing it I guess and it feels now like a crazy mixture – and there is still pain, sorrow mashed with a growing realization and wonder of Magick unfolding !!
YOU/ME/WE are the CHOSEN ONE – there is NO separation – we are ONE.
I may as well spin loosely through my notes – I started off the experience with a feeling of bliss – being back in nature and the joy of dancing – QOYA. So my first clue was the ISIS card I chose – giving me a message – ” this situation involves past life memories”.
I attended an awesome crystal workshop and placed Shungite on my third eye for a meditation – I took a trip as a Space cadet and was a Cosmic dancer !!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Do I feel happy – I might do yes – ha ha – if I let myself – or I can stew and gnaw on negative mind commentary of interpretations of perceived negative/petty interactions/relationship energy interplays – ha ha – boring – I DONT think so – and i dont have a life contract as a scapegoat -so peeps can dump their shit either – if I stop manifesting your projections into my DOBBY demeanor – then you will wake up too – so we can all smell the ROSES – – I am the Enlightened child of God/dess that I have always been – I feel the eyes and heart of Jesus on me today” – this is what I wrote the day after an evening of Mugwort and Gong bath ( WELL that last bit will be from my daily spiritual peacemaking lessons) . Also following another morning Qoya dance – I had felt emotional and cried after we had all danced our shadow.
My shadow – frightened, shy ( did you know I am shy??, its hard to tell sometimes as I can be LOUD and have flashes of being extrovert so am a mash up). I lack social confidence and find it challenging to mix sometimes.
I felt a bit upset as only two peeps came to my crystal singing bowls session – although as usual – when we got going I loved it and found myself becoming present to little signs and synchronicities which have meaning if you decide they have.
I had a lovely time on the beach every day (Thursday to Sunday) – and swam in the sea for the only time this year – the myth of this Penbryn beach is that 7 Priestesses arrived by sea – and also it has the site of the oldest church in Wales – I recognised that I had intended to go there many moons ago – as I had a leaflet at home re a holiday cottage that I walked past on the way to the beach !!!!!!hmmmmmmmmmm what do you reckon ???
Anyways I attended an awesome Tea ceremony – it was beautiful watching the graceful and mindful preparation – I did not have many ordinairy, distracting thoughts – the silence was bliss and I felt my body sinking down and grounding – tea plants can have 30 feet of root going into the ground. It was cosy in the bell tent but I found the chatting at the end a bit irritating especially as the whole tea ceremony vibe sounds awesome but as it is so expensive it jolts you back into the material world which I felt was a disappointment.
” So now I am at the bit of the retreat where others have made connections and I am conscious of not being included – reinforcing an old imprint of not belonging.”
BUT I HAD posted on the group fb page before I set off and felt I ( especially in retrospect)had made a statement when I wrote that we ALL PLAY OUR PART – XXXXXXXXXX
I had felt a release of anger in the drama therapy workshop – sadness at not feeling that I had connected with a realization that I had connected.
So everything
went crazzeeeeeeee that night – with the drama happening on different levels of reality – with that realization coming soon not as it unfolded – with wind and rain lashing and the howling of women who run with the wolves.
My personal pain and lonliness ( self inflicted) – XXXXXX
In my Alchemy crystal singing bowls session that morning – we sent love to Gaia and all living systems and the human race and to all the other women in the retreat and brought pure love from Mary Magdalene into the bell tent and flowing out around the camp. There was a huge “SACRED WOMB” workshop happening in the Marquee at the same time.
I cant spell out exactly what happened as it is confidential. But a great collective healing took place ( I felt)xxxx
The last morning I went to the beach and chanted. The knackered wild women gathered and sang and moved and we grounded our energy with the SUN xxxxxxxx and went on our Merry way and Merry meet again ???? On the way home I felt an enormous message from the divine VIA FIVE rainbows, one of which we drove through. As a collective of WISE WILD sisterhood of the Rose we had created a great release and healing for WOMEN – AND I played my part even tho it was not immediately obvious – hmmmmmmmmmmm – messages of love keep those tender threads strong and I feel connected and ” by cutting away sorrow, the brilliant light of the self dawns” MSI – as I see your light I see my own.
I had intended to do a sacred inner marriage ritual and had a specially made ring but I cancelled as I felt that I deserve better than the attitude I attracted and vow to give myself the respect I deserve xxx I will do my inner marriage ceremony solo xxx

A Tarot reading reading from a Priestess last weekend – the present – The Magician – uniting heaven and Earth and masculine and feminine xxxx
A Mandorla is the Vesica Piscis – symbol of Jesus and also a vagina – divine symbol for the new healing feminine strength xxx
back to the Pele report – letting go of the need to control -letting go into the mini ego death of orgasm – preparing for our earthly death xxxxxxxxx

As we embrace our darkness we allow our light to shine.

what of the future? – the Lord, the Sun and the Moon xxxx And would’nt it be luverly if we could all meet each other with – ” you have what i need to GROW” – Kaypacha xxx
what of the present ? – well Honey G is still in X factor tee hee and I am gonna get a cuppa tea xxx

Monday am – so after the screaming and thunder and lightening we can hear the sound of pure, unconditional love – the voices of the Sisterhood of the Rose singing out to each other and my heart softly unfurls its petals.

” Let us for even the briefest of instants relax our firm grip on our beliefs and judgments, the infinite light will burst into our souls, forever transforming us” Pada 1.Sutra 36, Patanjali, MSI.
I FEEL THIS IS A work in progress as I am still processing what happened and the energies unfolding. So i am updating AT MO but will then do a SEPERATE BLOG – thankyou to Charlotte and Lisa for being a mirror ( to my soul) and others for being a mirror to my ego ( a great service) – lots of Love funky ladies xxxx

speaking from my heart on life, the universe and everything